Lately I've gotten a second wind. For the first time in 9 months I feel great, alive. I'm back to doing things I love- field trips with my kiddos, running, fiddling, searching through cookbooks, reading, and transplanting my perennials. I've even de-junked my closets, drawers, and tilled a small veggie garden out back. The past 9 months pregnancy has felt like an impairment and it almost feels weird to feel like myself again.
I cursed myself six years, 3 babies, ago when I declared that I was 'great at being pregnant.' Growing my 1st baby I felt vivacious. I gained the minimal amount of weight, worked 50 hours a week, exercised, and smiled my way through the 9 months of baby prep. Now at the end of this third, last, and intolerably long, pre-natal period I've totally reversed my perception of maternity. At times this pregnancy has been physically debilitating, emotionally discouraging, and depressing. The months of barfing, never-ending flu-like fatigue, unfair and unstoppable weight gain, umbilical hernia, muscle cramps, heart burn . . . Let's just say it's been a good thing I have a major prize at the end to look forward to.
I feel guilty that this baby is emerging into the world after such a crazy wind-up. I wish that I could have spent less time feeling crumby and more time counting baby kicks. At times my relationship with Baby has been strained. I have a few friends expecting their first babies and I have enjoyed seeing their posted photos of baby bumps and nursery plans. They also have made me realize that I haven't been the blissful pre-natal steward my baby deserved. Luckily, Baby will come out soon (hopefully this week after my mom gets here) and I'll have years and years to make it all up.


Last week my friends Katie and Robyn threw me a Friday night baby shower with pedicure stations, homemade sugar scrubs, and lots of happy chatting. It was fun to celebrate the coming baby and feel pampered. The necklace that I am wearing in the above picture is a gift that was made at the shower from my friends that came. Each friend put a bead on the necklace representing themselves. They are to remind me of the hopeful wishes and good vibes I have coming my way.