Civil War Battlefield

I love the hype of DC- the enormous, columned buildings, auspicious politicians,  the Jason Bourne looking guys that  stand guard on the street corners, the museums with world treasures.  But my favorite place to visit in the area is not downtown.  It's Gettysburg.
     It's reverent, it's fascinating, it's inspiring.  The place has soul.

When we were there this time it was WINDY. The kind of wind where you're hair explodes all over your face, where you recline into the wind and it keeps you up.  The kind of wind that is so ridiculous that you can't help but laugh out loud.
  

This guy is incredible! (Liam)

Nothing like doing karate chops on styrofoam blocks for a good time...

Everyone needs a sister

Everyone needs a sister. Someone to play, laugh, and discover new places with.  My sister Melissa was here in D.C. this past week and I was really sad to see her go home. While she was here we explored the city, toured museums, took a road trip and even did a little home makeover.  The kids came with us everywhere and, for the most part, were happy to join along. I stole these pictures from her camera. I'll post some more later this week.

  

 

In Defense of Valentine's Day

Here Brady and I are at the swanky Georgetown fish house, Black Salt.

  Yes, Valentine's Day is necessary.  Yes, it is also commercialized, over priced, and inconvenient.
People often say "Who needs a  holiday to tell them to spend time and money on someone they love? Can't they just do that any day they want?"

My answer to that is that everyone NEEDS Valentines Day.  We all need to be reminded from time to time to stop and do something nice for those we love.   We all need a little kick in the pants to remind us to be light hearted and have a little fun.

"Eat , Love, Pray" . . . and be yourself

 I was walking down a muddied, dirt road 50 miles from Kiev, Ukraine. Scattered along the road were quaint, little homes with shoddy fences inhabited by babushkas wearing ethnic shawls, little stray cats, and chickens roaming free in back yards. 
People sat outside and tended their flowers, kids laughed and chased each other aimlessly. Life was simple here.
It struck me as the kind of place where life gets boiled down to just the essentials. 

It was the type of place that you would like linger.
In a bizarre fleeting moment I made a pact to myself- that if I was ever middle aged, loveless, and in need of a life do-over, I would come here.  This could be my wilderness. My sanctuary.
          
I'm convinced that every person, some time or another, wants to go AWOL. Everyone has moments where they would like to close their eyes and wake up savoring gelato in Italy.

But no one ever acts on these impulses.  Maybe it's a fear of being shamefully irresponsible, maybe it's binding responsibilities. Inevitably rather than ameliorating our soul with an exotic trip, we all do the boring, expected, dutiful thing- We deal with it. One day at a time.

Recently I watched the Julia Roberts movie Eat, Pray, Love. based on the overly popular, best selling book by Elizabeth Gilbert. It was nothing novel but it was a catalyst for sincere thought.
       In the book the main character goes on year long journey of self discovery and visits Italy, Bali, and India in the process. She leaves everything behind- a spontaneously divorced husband, her job, family, friends, and everything she owns, in hope of renewal.  She is motivated by the mantra happiness is her 'right' and her road to joy is in balance.
       She learns Italian, refreshes herself with pasta and stops worrying about fitting into her skinny jeans.  She dances, visits a guru, falls for a Brazilian and lets go. All of these are beautiful, blissful experiences.
It left me to conclude that people probably would be happier if they took more vacations, and meditated more.

 At the same time there is something so unrealistic and unconvincing about this story telling.  You can't just break connections and leave responsibilities behind without dropping the ball for someone else to pick up. Emotional baggage follows you where ever you go. Bills still need to be paid. Inevitably chasing happiness around the globe by yourself, for yourself, would become lonely, devoid of life-altering meaning.


Now here is where it got me thinking:
     Last year at this time, in the dead of winter, I was depressed.  It was a combination of a few traumatic events mixed with a perpetually nauseous pregnancy, and it threw me off track.  I didn't feel like myself. In fact, I felt like I was in a hole.
        Then I had Elsie. The sun came back. Time elapsed.
I worked very deliberately to get over my slump and was helped along by a support of friends and family. There are a few things I did to fight my funk that I think can be applied to anyone.

Simplify-  I stopped running faster (in my case quite literally) than I had strength.  I gave myself breathing room. I cleared out my schedule and only filled it back up with essentials.

Turn to God- He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is a great listener. He can help us assess and know where to take action.

Turn outward- Put your time into loving others and love will fill your voids.  It never ceases to amaze me that any love I share with my children always seems to come back at me 10 fold. Being a mom makes me happy.

Be kind to yourself- I decided to stop comparing myself to others.  I tried to stop absorbing negative, non-constructive criticism. I made an effort to be gentler with myself.


Getting started again after a hard bought of life is a process.  It takes rethinking. It takes time. It is a game of trial and error.

 H=It's been a while since i posted any video. Here's a few of the kids just doing what they do.

The week I got my face peed on.

This week I got my face peed on.  It was in a weak, gullible moment where I was caught off guard and made vulnerable by refusing to allow TV. I just didn't see it comin'.  I still don't know exactly how I let it happen.

Right now, I'm wearing an extra large, obnoxious fitting mens T-shirt because all my tops have been dirtied with gooey white streaks of baby barf, a token of Elsie's stomach flu. They are waiting for me, down stairs by the washer in a pile of smelly wreckage.

On top of this I feel irreparably sleep deprived, I haven't done my hair in 5 days, and haven't exercised or produced any healthy balanced meals in way too long.
The kids have successfully taken over and won.

Yet despite all of this, and whatever body fluids come my way, I can't seem to get enough of them.  I have ended each day satisfied, and well loved, and at least mildly entertained.

Motherhood, and the love of a mother, is a funny thing.
 
A mother's love is such an instinctual, inspiring, directing force.  It must be biological, God given.
Yes, there are days that I would like to get paid for what I do or receive an award for my monotonous hours spent. But honestly, I feel like as a mother I always at the end of the day get back more than I put in.

Little kids have a way of making you feel loved like no one else.  They are genuine, excepting and almost always up for a hug.  

This morning I woke up to "Here mom, you can snuggle with this."  It was whispered in my ear during those early, silent hours of the morning.  You know, the time where kids are motivated to get up and watch movies but their parents still lie unconscious. I wake up 2 hours, and one full length movie, later and discover that cradled and hugged in my arm, is a cherry red plastic heart filled with skittles- Liam's valentine candy. The widows mite .  .  . of sorts.


Other Reasons I know Liam loves me:

• When we play pretend he always lets me be the princess, the beautiful girl in the tutu, the true love.
• He says "Mom, you're the best!!" (In a voice that sound like he's announcing an award)
• He makes me hot chocolate
• He begs for me to come and give him "just, one more good night kiss!"
• He paints me the most beautiful pictures of lines, and trains, and tumbleweed ;)
• He tells me I can "jump in (his) bed and snuggle with him any time I want," even though he is forbidden from doing the same in ours.

What person wouldn't give anything for that kinda love? Motherhood is a beautiful, chaotic, soul-satisfying event.