Making Pie and Remembering the Dead

I was making a Thanksgiving peanut butter pie when wet, watery tears took me by surprise and started jumping down my face. My Grandma  Hazel has already been dead for 6 months and although I know grief comes in waves, this sudden burst of emotion ambushed me.  My impromptu crying was a sign that I was reluctant to have a Thanksgiving without her.  It was also a praise of gratitude.  My grandma Hazel had a way of making everyone feel nurtured, favored, and remembered no matter how far away they lived from grandmother's house.  (My mother, my sister, and cousin all had similar experiences while cooking sweet potatoes, acini di pepe pasta, & rainbow jello.)

It is interesting what we remember about our deceased loved ones after they're gone, what sparks their memories, and how we pay respect to and connect with them.

As a life long church goer and follower I'd like to think that I know more than the average Joe about where we go and what happens after we die. Even then we know very little, and in relative terms, almost nothing, about the after life. Heaven is a mysterious place.

Even though I know it probably doesn't work, I'll admit, sometimes I've looked towards to the sky and spoken "Grandma, if your listening.. . . " and asked her a question or told her a thought.

I'll even fess up to doing such unorthodox things as asking God in a prayer to have a message delivered. .... It was worth a shot right? :)

This past summer serving on the DeWitt City Parks, Rec, & Cemetery Commission I was on the task force to recreate the DeWitt City cemetary rules.  The Mayor wanted to return the historic cemetery to its traditional state by banning the placing of anything, yes anything, on graves.  Loved ones with children in the cemetery were distraught that they would no longer be able to adorn headstones with mementos, gifts, flowers & balloons.It lead to plenty of fighting, sleep lost, and tears shed in public from both sides of the argument.  One thing that I learned was that each persons way of grieving is distinct, individual and fluid.  There is no one right way to pay remembrance to someone.

I've thought at great length how I can subtly and respectfully memorialize my Grandma Hazel- warming my children in the blankets she crocheted, using her hand written roll recipe, attending the temple, using gifts she left to me in her will.  After those thoughts came the epiphany that the best way I can  honor her is being my best self. It is by enjoying life, by embracing myself (flaws and all) and loving others without inhibition.  Those were the qualities she exuded in life and above all that's what, for me, I have decided it will mean to "remember" her. 

What helps you remember and connect to your deceased loved ones?

Thanksgiving. .

Food, family, football, and fun for the Firths. We celebrated Thanksgiving D.C. style with a little football, a trip downtown to the Smithsonian American History Museum, and lots of classic food  around a table of good friends (thanks guys!). We have more blessings than we can count.

We haven't decided whether Thanksgiving itself or the day after is our favorite. Today Dani snagged a few good deals, we hung out eating leftovers, playing games, and building a gingerbread house. Liam finally got his hands on the big turkey leg he'd been scoping out, and Elsie spent most of the day laughing.

Everyone has a lot to be grateful for, and we're no different. This has been a year of growth and expansion for our little family, and we're happy. We missed our extended family this week, but they were in our thoughts and conversations.

 

Being content at every stage of life

The New York Times did a survey where, without clarification, they asked "Have you achieved the American dream? Will you in your lifetime?" About 25% of responders said that they had indeed achieved "the American dream" and nearly half expected they would eventually.

Generally when we say "American dream" most people think of a life of white picket fences and family vacations. One could probably also define it  as having enough money, stability, success and happiness to get what you want out of life.  


Most people probably feel they know generally what they need to be happy.  I think what makes it tricky is  knowing what to do day to day (or year to year) to achieve it.  I think most of us are a bunch of wanderers trying to meander our way down a nebulus path to our  ideal, happy state. 
 
We live in a culture where it is generally believed that if you want something bad enough you can get it. That being said, what is it that most people are aiming for and at what point do most people feel they have satisfied their quota of achievement?


Does a person even know it when they've reached their American dream?

Heck, maybe in my 27 years I have already reached the American dream- I've worked hard and saved hard, graduated from college, owned a home,  lucked out with  awesome kids, and been graced with a 10 year old Honda.  Yet as a young mom with a husband in grad school the tendency is always to look forward to "real" life, and "real" pay checks, and "real" homes and cars.

Then again it seems that most middle aged people with mortgages, high taxes, and college savings funds don't exactly seem to be loving life anymore than young folks with student loans. . . .

Its almost as if throughout life we promise ourselves uninhibited, undiluted happiness if we can only hang in there another 3-5 years.. .  . if we could only just take that next big "life step."
It's silly.


This morning Liam told me excitedly "Mom, when I grow up I want to be an ice cream man!"
He seemed to be looking to me for validation.
"I get to give ice cream to kids. . . . I can drive a truck with an ice cream cone on it."

As a 3 year old this would seem to be amongst the most noble professions- spreading ice cream cheer to  masses of kids.

Yet the logical side of me sadly overruled the supportive-mom side and I didn't exactly jump for joy. I just smiled and thought about the hard life he would live as an ice cream man- Always competing with ever ubiquitous Walmarts, seasonal unemployment, no health insurance, and social stigmas.

Do you need a certain amount of money and professional accomplishment to be 100% satisfied with life?  Is total satisfaction even achievable/reasonable? What does it take to feel like you've really "made it?" 

Maybe if we all were just truer to ourselves and embraced life's opportunities in the "here and now" we would find the fulfillment we thought was only reserved for our future. If we stop comparing what we COULD have and just think about what we DO have I think we would find life suddenly much sweeter.

I try to start a new book every other week and basically always be reading 2 books.  These are the books I've read and enjoyed in 2010. (I left out pregnancy books, cook books, books on tape)
Help me decide what to read next. 

      Danielle firth's bookshelf : Books read in 2010
   

 
 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    
   

Daniellefirth's favorite books »
 
 
 

Halloween

Liam has been climbing and jumping around the house non- stop since he got this costume.  I can't even begin to count the number of times I have been shot with pretend webs in the eye. 

For this picture I told him to "Say cheese!"

He said "oh, I can say something even better... FOOTPRINT!"
-Hmmm I couldn't top that even if I tried.

Spidey on his scooter hauling his Halloween bag and a Lightning McQueen bag with Brady's old 1997 Church basketball trophy tucked inside....that Liam won outright earlier in the week when it stood in as the Firth Family Olympics Piston Cup trophy that was awarded for the best all-around archer, scooter, sock-bomber, and hide-and-seeker. All the essentials.

Baby Elsie jack-o-lantern

Liam wore this pumpkin costume as a baby too. Cute, cute.

Mt Vernon, George Washington Estate

Who doesn't love George Washington? He's probably America's most lovable guy. After visiting his estate, believe it or not, you love him even more. The man is a rock- a solider, leader, philanthropist, architect, linguist, farmer, hunter, scholar extraordinaire.   His estate is a little haven just outside a traffic laden, bustling city. 

The picture of us is on the chairs of Washington's back porch.

Gettysburg, PA

Gettysburg is a very impressionable place set in a beautiful location. There is a very humbling spirit that accompanies these battle fields. It should be on every history-lovers 'must see' list.

The day included a car audio tour, movie, artillery reenactment and museum visit. Even if you know nothing about the Battle of Gettysburg before your trip, by the end of the day you've fallen in love with the place and the 50,000 fallen soldiers.

Brady and my dad both have been wanting to visit these battle fields their whole lives.  The bottom picture of my dad is perhaps my favorite picture of him ever and it shows his fun personality. I love the excitement on his face- it's worth a thousand words.

Liam enjoyed the day sneaking around the rocks with his bow and arrow. . . . .and stalking dogs.