I was walking down a muddied, dirt road 50 miles from Kiev, Ukraine. Scattered along the road were quaint, little homes with shoddy fences inhabited by babushkas wearing ethnic shawls, little stray cats, and chickens roaming free in back yards.
People sat outside and tended their flowers, kids laughed and chased each other aimlessly. Life was simple here.
It struck me as the kind of place where life gets boiled down to just the essentials.
It was the type of place that you would like linger.
In a bizarre fleeting moment I made a pact to myself- that if I was ever middle aged, loveless, and in need of a life do-over, I would come here. This could be my wilderness. My sanctuary.
I'm convinced that every person, some time or another, wants to go AWOL. Everyone has moments where they would like to close their eyes and wake up savoring gelato in Italy.
But no one ever acts on these impulses. Maybe it's a fear of being shamefully irresponsible, maybe it's binding responsibilities. Inevitably rather than ameliorating our soul with an exotic trip, we all do the boring, expected, dutiful thing- We deal with it. One day at a time.
Recently I watched the Julia Roberts movie Eat, Pray, Love. based on the overly popular, best selling book by Elizabeth Gilbert. It was nothing novel but it was a catalyst for sincere thought.
In the book the main character goes on year long journey of self discovery and visits Italy, Bali, and India in the process. She leaves everything behind- a spontaneously divorced husband, her job, family, friends, and everything she owns, in hope of renewal. She is motivated by the mantra happiness is her 'right' and her road to joy is in balance.
She learns Italian, refreshes herself with pasta and stops worrying about fitting into her skinny jeans. She dances, visits a guru, falls for a Brazilian and lets go. All of these are beautiful, blissful experiences.
It left me to conclude that people probably would be happier if they took more vacations, and meditated more.
At the same time there is something so unrealistic and unconvincing about this story telling. You can't just break connections and leave responsibilities behind without dropping the ball for someone else to pick up. Emotional baggage follows you where ever you go. Bills still need to be paid. Inevitably chasing happiness around the globe by yourself, for yourself, would become lonely, devoid of life-altering meaning.
Now here is where it got me thinking:
Last year at this time, in the dead of winter, I was depressed. It was a combination of a few traumatic events mixed with a perpetually nauseous pregnancy, and it threw me off track. I didn't feel like myself. In fact, I felt like I was in a hole.
Then I had Elsie. The sun came back. Time elapsed.
I worked very deliberately to get over my slump and was helped along by a support of friends and family. There are a few things I did to fight my funk that I think can be applied to anyone.
Simplify- I stopped running faster (in my case quite literally) than I had strength. I gave myself breathing room. I cleared out my schedule and only filled it back up with essentials.
Turn to God- He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is a great listener. He can help us assess and know where to take action.
Turn outward- Put your time into loving others and love will fill your voids. It never ceases to amaze me that any love I share with my children always seems to come back at me 10 fold. Being a mom makes me happy.
Be kind to yourself- I decided to stop comparing myself to others. I tried to stop absorbing negative, non-constructive criticism. I made an effort to be gentler with myself.
Getting started again after a hard bought of life is a process. It takes rethinking. It takes time. It is a game of trial and error.
