I am thankful God made me a woman. As a Mormon I am glad to be a part of an organization that loves women and motherhood-just
as much as I do. Part of growing up is
sorting out how the beliefs of our childhood translate into the complexities of
our adulthood. For me that means I have
spent time trying to reconcile what I have observed and experienced as a Mormon
woman, from the rosy, “Women are wonderful!“ messages I am told in Church. I
write this post as a way to process through conflicting thoughts, as an attempt
to figure out myself.
………
“Raise your hand if
you’re a feminist.”
You never expect to hear those words in Sunday school. I sheepishly raised my hand, bent at the
elbow, looking around to see who was watching and hoping I wasn’t part of some Sunday
school witch hunt.
The instructor nodded, glanced quickly around the room, and
said, “OK, but shouldn’t we all be feminists?”
The teacher went on to define a ‘feminist’ not as a
bra-burning, Gloria Stienem clone, but as someone who advocates for the respect
and equal treatment of women. He emphasized the need to support and provide opportunity
to women.
After he framed it that way, he asked the same question
again. Everyone raised their hand.
I consider myself your average, friendly, neighborhood
feminist- not a man hater, not a rebel. I am a Church-lover and temple-goer. I sustain my Church leaders. It is
simultaneously easy for me to see God’s hand in the LDS Church, and to also
assert that the Mormon culture and institution could do much, much better.
I have spent many years of my life trying to piece together
and make sense of how females are treated in the LDS Church. Why do we insist that girls are equal, even
preternaturally saintly, but withhold ecclesiastical or administrative
authority? Why do women only teach and preside over other women and children? Why
do we allow widowed men to be sealed to 2 women? Where are the women in the
teachings of our Church’s history? Is it
really necessary for the Church bureaucracy to be all male?
I have spent a lot of time on my knees praying for answers,
and I seem to generate new questions faster than they are answered.
I remember when, as an 8-year-old, I asked my mom why girls
were left out of scouts. LDS boys went to summer camp and had banquets where
they got prizes and colorful merit badges—but the girls had nothing. I remember
naively wondering if my mom could fix it and make things fair for
girls like me if I begged her enough. If only it were that easy.
Two and a half years ago I scheduled a meeting with the Temple
President to discuss the disparities between male and female, specifically in the
temple but also the general Church. His answer was ‘Well, I get asked this
every week. I’m sure it’s all for a reason, I’m just not sure what the reason
is.”
During a recent temple recommend interview I brought up
these concerns and received a similar well intentioned response. I was told, “I
ask myself this same question a lot, and your concerns are valid. But, I don’t
know. It’s just the way it is.”
Maybe there are no satisfying answers.
I’m not asking for a revolution, but I’m convinced we could
be more inclusive and still keep things pristine. I believe there are many small
changes we could make which would both fit with our doctrine and be welcomed
indicators of progress. A few include:
-Allowing women to (finally) pray in General Conference
-Permitting a
Relief Society President to conduct a mixed gender meeting, if the Bishop was
unavailable.
-Letting moms sometimes
conduct Family Home Evening.
-Stop making Sunday
School presidents, ward mission leaders, and ward clerks gendered (male)
positions.
I don’t want to be telling other LDS women what to do or
think. Feminists have an obnoxious reputation of doing that. I don’t want to
unearth anyone if the paradigm that woman are living with works for them. My mom is one of those strong LDS women that
can honestly say she has never felt slighted in the Church due to her
womanhood. She has felt listened to and cherished. She has had opportunities to
serve and has made an impact on her community. She wishes those same
experiences for me. So do I.
So what is a Mormon feminist to do? Part of me feels like if people, the Church
leadership, were keenly aware of feelings of inequality, things would change. Do dissatisfied voices need to be louder? It’s
starting to get to me. Should I write a letter of request to the Apostles?
Should I try to get my friends to listen?
I’m not about to start making awkward comments in Relief Society
or Sunday School. It’s not the venue, and it’s just not my style. I don’t want people to see my pro-women
message as caustic to their spirituality. I know I need to stay hopeful,
faithful, and axe the cynicism whenever possible. I need a positive voice.
So until something happens, I’ll keep trying to be the type
of active congregation member, and visiting teacher I think the church
needs. I’ll contribute to edifying
messages about women, as I teach my own kids and my 10-11 year old primary class. Just because we haven’t gotten things right
yet doesn’t mean they aren’t getting better. So I’ll keep loving my neighbor,
enjoying my family, and working on myself.
