re-establishing

“I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.”― Beryl Markham, West with the Night 

 This past month we have all experienced pangs of home sickness - for our family in Alaska and Utah, for the mountains, for DC, and for all things familiar.  This month it has all sunk that this, Iowa, is where we live. Our Iowa momentum will pick up but the lag, and the the inevitable period of readjustment, has caught me feeling a bit flat-footed.

It's tricky to know exactly how to establish ones self after being uprooted.  It's hard to leave behind kindred spirits, daily rituals, and the connections that make us feel integrated into our own lives. In Iowa I may have an obnoxiously empty schedule. But, I also have 3 cheeky, snuggle-seeking kids that follow me around asking me for hot chocolate and begging me to take them swimming (to which I happily relent.) When it's all boiled down, these kids of mine make me feel right at home wherever I am.  So while I'm not quite sure how I fit into Iowa yet, I'm certain I'll find that nitch. 

Nana and Papa's Visit

Home is wherever your family is.  This month we were able to have our families visit from Utah and Alaska. They helped us break-in Iowa, set-up our house, create some memories, and allowed us feel a little more at home here. I'll post about each visit later this week but these pictures were taken by Leisa, Brady's mom, and they capture the essence of Iowa, the cuteness of our kids, and their love that we can never seem to get enough of.

'Mom mode'

For the first time since Liam's  birth I took off and went out of town without my family. It was scary, entertaining, and dispite a full schedule of family wedding festivities in Atlanta,  relaxing.  I didn't have to worry about nap times or packing graham crackers and sippy cups on me at all times.  It was nice to deactivate "mom mode" for a bit. I got to be a sister, a friend, a daughter, a cousin. It was nice to enjoy the moment and also enjoy my family without being loaded with responsibilities.  .  I met up with my BYU freshman roomate for breakfast in my hotel lobby and we laughed about good times. I wore a bright red dress, stayed out 'til 1 am, and even danced under a crystal chandelier with my mission-bound, little brother Jake.   

I think that my carefree weekend vacation was a dose of good kharma for past mothering behavior.  I have weathered more discouraging airport and airplane meltdowns than is reasonable. My anecdotes always involve crying and sometimes include strangers handing me coloring books, food, an additional arm, and mental health advice. The most recent time I was coming home from Fairbanks, Alaska- I was by myself dragging 3 small, tired, children through 4 airports during the midle of the night.  One kid had an antibotic resistant ear infection, the others needed an emergency change of clothes mid flight- one from pee the other from apple juice. It was an ugly experience and it knocked the wind out of me.  I think it took this two day vacation, 2 months later, for me to recover.