My Mormon Feminist Manifesto

I am thankful God made me a woman. As a Mormon I am glad to be a part of an organization that loves women and motherhood-just as much as I do.  Part of growing up is sorting out how the beliefs of our childhood translate into the complexities of our adulthood.  For me that means I have spent time trying to reconcile what I have observed and experienced as a Mormon woman, from the rosy, “Women are wonderful!“ messages I am told in Church. I write this post as a way to process through conflicting thoughts, as an attempt to figure out myself.

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 “Raise your hand if you’re a feminist.”

You never expect to hear those words in Sunday school.  I sheepishly raised my hand, bent at the elbow, looking around to see who was watching and hoping I wasn’t part of some Sunday school witch hunt.

The instructor nodded, glanced quickly around the room, and said, “OK, but shouldn’t we all be feminists?”

The teacher went on to define a ‘feminist’ not as a bra-burning, Gloria Stienem clone, but as someone who advocates for the respect and equal treatment of women. He emphasized the need to support and provide opportunity to women. 

After he framed it that way, he asked the same question again. Everyone raised their hand.

I consider myself your average, friendly, neighborhood feminist- not a man hater, not a rebel.   I am a Church-lover and temple-goer.  I sustain my Church leaders. It is simultaneously easy for me to see God’s hand in the LDS Church, and to also assert that the Mormon culture and institution could do much, much better. 

I have spent many years of my life trying to piece together and make sense of how females are treated in the LDS Church.  Why do we insist that girls are equal, even preternaturally saintly, but withhold ecclesiastical or administrative authority? Why do women only teach and preside over other women and children? Why do we allow widowed men to be sealed to 2 women? Where are the women in the teachings of our Church’s history?  Is it really necessary for the Church bureaucracy to be all male?

I have spent a lot of time on my knees praying for answers, and I seem to generate new questions faster than they are answered.

I remember when, as an 8-year-old, I asked my mom why girls were left out of scouts. LDS boys went to summer camp and had banquets where they got prizes and colorful merit badges—but the girls had nothing. I remember naively wondering if my mom could fix it and make things  fair for girls like me if I begged her enough. If only it were that easy.

Two and a half years ago I scheduled a meeting with the Temple President to discuss the disparities between male and female, specifically in the temple but also the general Church. His answer was ‘Well, I get asked this every week. I’m sure it’s all for a reason, I’m just not sure what the reason is.”

During a recent temple recommend interview I brought up these concerns and received a similar well intentioned response. I was told, “I ask myself this same question a lot, and your concerns are valid. But, I don’t know.  It’s just the way it is.”

Maybe there are no satisfying answers.

I’m not asking for a revolution, but I’m convinced we could be more inclusive and still keep things pristine.  I believe there are many small changes we could make which would both fit with our doctrine and be welcomed indicators of progress. A few include:

-Allowing women to (finally) pray in General Conference

-Permitting a Relief Society President to conduct a mixed gender meeting, if the Bishop was unavailable.

-Letting moms sometimes conduct Family Home Evening.

-Stop making Sunday School presidents, ward mission leaders, and ward clerks gendered (male) positions.

I don’t want to be telling other LDS women what to do or think. Feminists have an obnoxious reputation of doing that. I don’t want to unearth anyone if the paradigm that woman are living with works for them.  My mom is one of those strong LDS women that can honestly say she has never felt slighted in the Church due to her womanhood. She has felt listened to and cherished. She has had opportunities to serve and has made an impact on her community. She wishes those same experiences for me. So do I.

So what is a Mormon feminist to do?   Part of me feels like if people, the Church leadership, were keenly aware of feelings of inequality, things would change.  Do dissatisfied voices need to be louder? It’s starting to get to me. Should I write a letter of request to the Apostles? Should I try to get my friends to listen?  

I’m not about to start making awkward comments in Relief Society or Sunday School. It’s not the venue, and it’s just not my style.  I don’t want people to see my pro-women message as caustic to their spirituality. I know I need to stay hopeful, faithful, and axe the cynicism whenever possible.  I need a positive voice.    

So until something happens, I’ll keep trying to be the type of active congregation member, and visiting teacher I think the church needs.  I’ll contribute to edifying messages about women, as I teach my own kids and my 10-11 year old primary class.  Just because we haven’t gotten things right yet doesn’t mean they aren’t getting better. So I’ll keep loving my neighbor, enjoying my family, and working on myself.